He who hesitates is a damned fool.

犹豫不决的人是十足的傻瓜。

He who laughs at others' woes finds few friends and many foes.

嘲笑别人痛苦的人，朋友很少，敌人很多。

He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.

笑到最后的人笑得最开心。

He who laughs, lasts.

谁笑，谁就能持久。

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

听修女忏悔就像被爆米花砸死一样。

Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.

女王陛下是一个动词，少了一个句子。

Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind.

这是对我称之为“我的心灵”的哥特式地下室的另一个生动的一瞥。

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.

我推荐一条规则:永远不要同时做两件坏事。

Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.

嘿。有时候，生活就是一根屎味的冰棒。

He’d done it like he did everything else—with passion and total disregard for how much it might embarrass her.

他做这件事就像做其他事情一样——充满激情，全然不顾这会让她多么难堪。

His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.

他的句子似乎没有任何动词，这对一个政治家来说是司空见惯的。所有的名词，没有动作。

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

历史会对我很好，因为我打算写它。

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.

诚实的好幽默是愉快的聚会的油和酒，没有一种愉快的友谊比得上那些笑话相当小而笑声却很丰富的友谊。

Honesty is always good, except when it's better to lie.

诚实总是好的，除了说谎更好的时候。

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

常识是一匹马所拥有的东西，它不会把赌注下在人身上。