We think of the noble object for which the professor appears tonight, we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any one who will laugh at the professor.

-- Stephen Leacock 李柯克

我们想到教授今晚出现的崇高目标，我们可以确信，上帝会宽恕任何嘲笑教授的人。

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Professor Assured

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Any time the Western way of war can be unleashed on an enemy stupid enough to enter its arena, victory is assured.

任何时候，只要西方的战争方式能够对一个愚蠢到进入其竞技场的敌人发动攻击，胜利就一定会到来。

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I'm a professor. I know that people in research labs can do miraculous things if they're given the resources.

我是一个教授。我知道研究实验室里的人只要有资源，就能创造奇迹。

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Want to know the best thing about being a professor? Colored chalk.

想知道当教授的好处吗?彩色粉笔。

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